red, white, pink
by electrikitty
Summary: according to the platelets, red plus white, apparently, equals pink! whatever that means… and now the topic is up for discussion, much to red blood cell and white blood cell's utter chagrin! / cells at work! / one-shot


'White Blood Cell?' I ask. 'What would happen if two cells paired up?'

White Blood Cell glances at me, and takes a sip of his green tea. 'Well… cells can congregate in groups and form different structures, yes…'

I tilt my head with a wary smile. 'Um, that's not quite what I meant…'

A captured bacterium rolls down an elaborate conveyor belt in a series of clangs and rattles, distracting us. A small flashing warning light on a nearby doorway draws attention to a message playing on loop, on an electronic banner. "There's been a recent increase in hormones," an announcer's voice reads.

White Blood Cell tosses the doomed bacterium a vague salute. 'Bye bye, germ.'

' _You piece of_ — '

And the sneeze locks and loads, and blasts off in a cloud of smoke and fire.

White Blood Cell glances back at me. 'What did you mean, then?'

 _This guy… does not have a clue._ I smile, flustered, and wave my hands to head him off. If he doesn't know, there's no way I'm going to keep asking. 'It's nothing, I — '

'Ah! Big Sis Red Blood Cell!' A Platelet with long sandy hair scampers up, nearly tripping on her oversized white boots.

I wave, smiling brightly. 'Platelet!'

She patters to a halt. 'Oh, and Big Bro White Blood Cell! What are you talking about?'

I blink. Then blush. 'A-Ah, nothing — '

'About pairing up cells.' White Blood Cell misses my slack-jawed expression altogether.

Platelet blinks, tilting her head. Then she taps a tiny fist on a tiny hand. 'Ah! You're talking about love! Right?'

'Eh?' White Blood Cell says, then realisation clicks and he turns an even paler shade of white.

I'm surprised too, and now I'm also confused, because I thought this certain matter was called "biological attraction."

She goes on, completely oblivious. 'Yeah! We learned about it in nursery school! When a White Blood Cell meets a Red Blood Cell, they can fall in love, and if they do then they love each other and that love makes a Pink Platelet!'

White Blood Cell does an impressive spit take into his cup of green tea and nearly coughs his lungs up, and I scream, ' _Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!_ '

 _H-How — WHY are kindergarteners being t-taught — I mean, it's a kiddie version — but still —_

'What are they teaching you kids these days?!' White Blood Cell rants. ' _That's not even a proper biological process!_ '

I stare at him. _…That's the part he has a problem with?_

Platelet tips her head to the side. 'Really? Hm…'

'Oh, dearie me,' a passing Macrophage says, and stops for a moment with her cleaver resting against the ground. 'I believe she's thinking of the picture books that explain human biology. She must have gotten it confused with the — '

'There are picture books of…' I hold up my hands, yelling, 'Wait, stop — I'm sorry, _I'm sorry!_ Forget I said, anything, just _stop_!'

Platelet looks at us, curious. 'Why's everyone so upset?'

Killer T Cell walks past, and obviously, the sight of us all freaking out makes him pull up short and barge in on the conversation. 'Hey! What is this, a Neighbourhood Cell Association meeting?!' he bellows. 'If you're not working, break it up!'

'Mr Killer T Cell, what's "human biology"?' Platelet chirps.

He blinks. Then looks at each of us. '…What the blazes did I just walk in on?'

'…Please,' White Blood Cell says, clenching his fingers around his styrofoam cup hard enough to crack it. 'Please, can we pretend that this never happened?'

Killer T Cell places a hand on his hip and yanks Platelet into the air, sitting her on his shoulder. 'No chance! The kid's asked a valid question and it's our duty as older cells to give her at least a decent answer. Now listen, kid,' he says, pointing at himself, and Platelet nods vigorously. 'This is how it works, first you — '

'No!' White Blood Cell and I scream, diving at him.

I leap into the air to try and get her down, yelling, 'She's a _kid_! Don't spoil her adorable innocence! That's what a Platelet _is_ — the embodiment of adorableness! _She's only a couple of days old!_ '

'Oy!' Killer T Cell protests. He holds Platelet safely out of reach on his shoulder. 'She's only gonna live eight or nine days at most! And haven't you idiots heard of time compression — she's probably eight or nine in human years! Right, squirt?'

'I'm five,' she says.

'…Uh.' He blinks. 'Right. Well, you'd probably stumble across this somewhere else anyway, so you may as well hear it properly while you can — '

A solid crack, and he's dropkicked in the head by a black blur that snatches Platelet from the air and lands neatly feet-first. She props a hand on her hip and smirks at Killer T Cell, who's still reeling from the blow. 'Whoops, my leg slipped!'

'Thank you, NK Cell,' White Blood Cell says, formally bowing to her. 'For protecting Platelet's innocence.'

She drops Platelet with a "plop" sound effect and looks at us in confusion. 'Eh?'

'The picture books…' I say weakly. 'You know. Those ones.'

'Ah. I see.' She shrugs and hooks an arm around Killer T Cell's neck with a grin. 'I don't even know what y'all were talking about; I just wanted an excuse to beat this idiot up!'

Killer T Cell hurls NK Cell her over his shoulder, 'Whoops, my hands slipped!' yet she flips and slams him into the ground, 'Whoops, my arms slipped!' and she stretches his arms behind his back to the snapping point, perched on top of him as though posing with a game trophy. She stomps a heel between his shoulder blades, the finishing blow. 'Whoops, my foot slipped!'

She looks up at Platelet. 'But yeah, kid.' She sits up and clenches a fist. 'This the stuff you need to know — so woman up and listen good.'

'Wait, no!' I yelp, but she steamrollers over me and keeps going.

'Any guy messes with you,' NK Cell says with a grin, 'you kick him where it hurts!'

Platelet clenches her fists. 'Where it hurts!'

'And if he keeps giving you grief, come get me and I'll beat him up!'

'I'll come get you!'

'And if you're not interested, give it to him hard! And if you are interested, _give it to him hard_!'

' _Give it hard!_ '

'Oy!' Killer T Cell protests, panicking. 'Just don't use me as a training dummy, got it?'

She glances down, as though she'd forgotten he was there, and gets off him. 'I wasn't talking about _that_ kind of training. Much less with you, you pain-in-the-neck.'

He leaps to his feet and grabs her by the collar of her shirt. ' _Neither was I_ , you little _brat_!'

A clash of steel, and they have their katanas and knives locked and scraping sparks at each other's throats. 'Eh, what's this?' she asks, and smirks. 'Are you interested?'

'Interested in seeing you shut your infuriating mouth!'

Platelet cups her hands to her mouth and cheers. 'Give it to him hard, Miss NK Cell!'

'Aww, thanks, sweetie — '

A torrent blasts the two of them, and clears into steam, leaving Killer T Cell and NK Cell dripping wet with foam piled around their ankles. They blink.

B Cell slings his gun over his shoulder and makes an 'oopsies' face. He grins. 'What can I say — I always wanted to try that!'

'YOU LITTLE JERK!' the two of them roar, and lunge at him, chasing the fleeing cell as fast as they can sprint.

Platelet looks up at Macrophage. 'Is that what you call "love?"'

'That's what you call a burst blood vessel just waiting to happen,' White Blood Cell mutters.

'That is what you call pairing up of _cells_ ,' Macrophage says. She takes Platelet's hand and they walk off.

'Oh. So what were Mr Killer T Cell and Miss NK Cell talking about, then?'

'Biological desire — and you don't need to worry about that, darling; that's a human function.'

'Oh, good,' she says in relief. 'Because there's too much yelling when it comes to that, I think.' She tilts her head. 'But… then… what's love, then?'

'Love is caring for people.' Macrophage smiles. 'Like how all the cells look after each other!'

'Oh, that's easy! But then why do people call biological attraction "love?"'

White Blood Cell and I sit in a daze on our bench as countless cells continue their work all around us.

'I'm trying to be mad at NK Cell…' I say.

White Blood Cell tips his head back and exhales. 'But everything she said was valid.'

I grimace. 'Yes.'

I can still hear Platelet talking in the distance, and I look up to see that she's still talking to Macrophage. 'So does that mean that Big Sis Red Blood Cell and Big Bro White Cell won't be hooking up and having little pink platelets?' Platelet asks.

'No, dear…'

'Aww!' she says, crestfallen. 'But it would have been so much fun! They could run deliveries like Big Sis Red Blood Cell and have cute daggers like Big Bro White Cell and we could play together at play group!'

'Dear, I'm afraid that's not going to work…' Macrophage says firmly.

I blush redder than my hair. White Blood Cell crumples his disposable cup and thrusts it so far down into the rubbish bin next to the bench that he nearly gets his arm stuck.

'…That would be kind of cute,' I manage to say.

White Blood Cell frees his arm from the bin and sits back on the bench. He pulls his hat down. '…Yeah,' he says. 'Yeah.'

I look at him — and his face is…

'Eh, White Blood Cell?! What's the matter, do you have heatstroke again?!'

He looks up, startled. A faint pink flush spans his cheeks. 'Wh — No!'

'Oh, no, what are we going to do, I — '

'I don't have heatstroke!'

'But you're _red_ — we can't even call you a white blood cell anymore!'

'I said that I _don't_ — '

His radar pings and he snaps to attention. He pulls out his radio; a static transmission blasts in his ear, and he yells, 'Bacterium detected!' and sprints off roaring, 'DIE, GERM!'

I'm left with one hand hovering in the air. 'Uh… good luck!'

He looks back. And finds my eyes across a sea of red and white. 'Yeah. You too!'

I smile.

Then remember the delivery box beneath my bench. And I see my delivery instructions on the ground, the ones that I lost when White Blood Cell and I were running away from the bacterium. And… they're completely melted in a puddle of antibody spray.

'Oh no,' I wail, 'I'm lost _againnnnn_!'

 _The End_

* * *

 **A/N:** I watched Cells at Work! in its entirety with a doctor, and _this_ was the contribution I brought to the table. Good grief… Reviews welcome, and thanks for reading!


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